Rambling Thoughts
by lupinspup
Summary: Hermione's and Severus' reflections of their lives and the turns they have taken. Reference to past WIKTT Marriage Law Challenge. Rated for suggestion. Please review!
1. Hermione

**RAMBLING THOUGHTS**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all is the creation of the genius J.K. Rowling. **

**Notes: Reference to past WIKTT Marriage law challenge. Please read and review!**

Another evening passes as I sit here pondering on my life. The phrase "the more things change, the more they stay the same" seems a mockery to me.

A few years ago, I was a part of something special. I had friends, family, mentors, and a plan. Said plan was executed, but at a great cost. Sure, I developed the spell to defeat the most evil wizard this planet has ever seen, but whoop-de-friggin-la. I lost my best friends in the process. Ron was hit with the Avada Kedavra, as he flung himself in front of Harry in the final battle. After Voldemort had fallen, Harry collapsed and just never got back up. No one knows why he died. I think he had enough, and could not live with himself, after having to kill the evil incarnate.

My family was murdered by the enemy, all at one go. It was at a family Christmas party, a few months before the end of the war. My parents, aunts, uncles, cousins…. everyone. Gone. And you want to know why? Because of me. Because I am "the smartest witch of her year", who happens to be born of parents without any magical abilities, and best friend with Harry Potter. Good reasoning isn't it?

After all this drama and trauma, I manage to graduate. The world is mine to discover and conquer, right? Pffsh. Wrong! The bloody ministry and it's so called intelligence, decide that people need to get married and reproduce. Why is the ministry involved in something so asinine? Well, first of all asinine is their top priority, and because the population of the wizarding world is in danger. As if forcing people to marry will fix this situation. I was bound to a death eater. Luckily, through many "discussions" between Headmaster Dumbledore and the oh-so-competent Minister of Magic, Fudge, my husband changed to none other than super-spy himself, Severus Snape. Lucky, bloody, fantastic.

Not only does the man despise me, he has never passed an opportunity to berate, humiliate, and demean my person. I cannot believe my luck. I ask you, what have I done to deserve this?

I fight the bloody, ridiculous law, and of course, lose. Now there's something I'm not used to. I was married over two years ago. Amazingly enough, I fell in love with my husband. Snarky git. Sad thing, he doesn't love me. He barely acknowledges my presence, and only touches me because of this bloody law. And you know what? I can't deal with this anymore. I give. You win. Whoever you are. I'm done. My heart has no more pieces to break, and my soul is not strong enough to endure more pain.

If you ever read this journal, my love, please know I wish you happiness in your freedom. You will no longer endure my presence, or my touch. I am sorry I was not enough for you to love, and I pray to whatever deity that is listening, that you will find that person one day. You do deserve happiness, Severus. You are a fiercely intelligent, loyal, and fascinating person, whose attributes far outweigh your crimes. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, so you will see the forgiveness others gave you a long time ago. I do love you. My final gift to you…freedom. Merry Christmas.


	2. Sev's dawning

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter world. It all belongs to the genius creator, J.K. Rowling.

Severus was in his lab, brewing potions for the upcoming semester. In the years since the end of the war, and his ultimate marriage to Hermione, he had mellowed out. He no longer prowled about the school glaring at anyone and everything. Occasionally, people would notice an actual smile on his face.

As he was adding the final ingredients to the Pepper-up potion, Severus' mind began to wonder and reflect of what he had become. He realized that a few years ago, he was an intricate part of the motions to bring about the Dark Lord, therefore, had given up on ever obtaining friends or a family. The more he thought about it, the memories of kindness bestowed upon him by his mentor, Albus Dumbledore, colleagues, and even a few students came flooding back. And all he had done was push them away. Opportunities long lost…or were they? A face with bushy brown hair and intelligent eyes came to mind. He missed her. How can you miss someone when you live with her? He did not understand.

Setting the potion to simmer for a few hours, Severus sat at his desk and stared at a blank wall. He thought back, trying to place the eerie feeling that something was incredibly wrong yet could not get his mind completely off her eyes. Then he realized what was different. When she was a mere student, her emotions, thoughts, her soul could be seen through those amber colored windows. After the final battle, her eyes were not as full of life as they had been. Indeed, these past few months, the light had seemed to die altogether. However, for a while, the light had returned. Granted, he could still see pain, but her soul had been accessible again.

These facts were disturbing him greatly. He realized that his marriage was not all it could be. They were two intelligent, loyal people, but there was something missing. He did not consider himself as a person to be loved, therefore, did not show affection toward anyone, no matter his feelings. Could this be a problem for her? Surely, she knew him well enough by now. She had to know that his life was incomplete without her. He didn't need to express such foolishness did he? He knew his wife loved him. He saw it in her eyes and the little things she did. She knew his favorite food, colors, books, time of day… things he thought to be irrelevant about himself. She knew when he needed time alone, a cup of tea, or was not feeling well. All without him having to say a word. But he did not understand it. He was the snarky, greasy, git of the dungeons. So he passed it off as lust, seeing as she had needs to be satisfied as much as he did. And, truthfully, he was her only option.

Wasn't he? That thought made him review the timeline once again. Oh God. How could he have been so stupid? He sees it now. He sees her depression. Oh shit… the feeling that will not away. Something is so incredibly wrong.

He quickly turned off the fire under the cauldron and literally ran to their quarters. She is not there. He goes around frantically calling her name, but she is nowhere to be found. He glances at the piles of parchment on the desk, and an open book catches his eye. It's her handwriting. A journal entry. Knowing it is an invasion of her privacy, but weighed down with worry, he reads the last entry.

_If you ever read this journal, my love, please know I wish you happiness in your freedom. You will no longer endure my presence, or my touch. I am sorry I was not enough for you to love, and I pray to whatever deity that is listening, that you will find that person one day. You do deserve happiness, Severus. You are a fiercely intelligent, loyal, and fascinating person, whose attributes far outweigh your crimes. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, so you will see the forgiveness others gave you a long time ago. I do love you. My final gift to you…freedom. Merry Christmas._

Final gift? No longer endure..? No, no, no, no, no. This is not happening. He prays he can find her. But mostly, he prays for her safety, for someone to find her before she goes through with what he thinks she's doing.


	3. Gathering Nerve

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter world. It all belongs to the genius creator, J.K. Rowling.

Bloody brilliant. Some Gryffindor I am. Isn't this supposed to be the coward's way out? Honestly though…. It's not as if there's anything left. Why is this so hard? A life without love is not worth living. Existing is not enough for me. I need a purpose, a reason to be alive. Before, it was family, friends, and knowledge. I don't crave knowledge anymore. I have no family left. Severus doesn't count. Family is supposed to love each other, no matter what. I don't even have friends. I have acquaintances. No one would miss me. Hell, I don't even have a pet anymore. Crookshanks died too.

Okay…. Since I can't say the stupid spell, I'll just do this some other way.

POP

Nice view. The ocean is always so calming. Perhaps just a little rest in the sun. I'll wait until dark so no one will see me and try to play the hero. That was Harry's job. I wonder if I'll get to see him? Any of them. Harry, Ron, Mom, Dad…it'll be a reunion. I can't wait.

Sun's going down. The sky is picture perfect. A blend of blue, purple, orange, gold, and a touch of pink.

Wow. That's a long way down. Never have been one for flying. I don't want to be scared when I die. I just want a peaceful death. I don't want anymore gore. Besides, I do have a little consideration for Severus. Even if he doesn't love me, I don't want him to be disturbed by images of my mangled body if he has to identify me. Would he be disturbed? Damn. I forgot to write a note. Bloody ministry would love to arrest him for my murder wouldn't they? Damn, damn, damn.

POP

I haven't been here in ages. Nothing has changed. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of anything. I really am being selfish. This will be a lot of work for Severus. Of course not! I have a will and all details to dispose of the house and belongings will be handled by the solicitors. Now… the final loose end… Aha! Parchment and a quill!

That didn't take as long as I thought it would. Now, a knife and a bath. No gore. No mess. Open all the windows. It really is cold out tonight.

Hmmmm…didn't hurt much at all. Just like I thought. Pretty bright lights. Welcoming. I haven't felt welcome in ages. What's that noise? A voice. Who's calling me? Why does he sound so frantic? It's relaxing here. No more worries. I'll be fine. I'm going home.


	4. Organizing the Search

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter world. It all belongs to the genius creator, J.K. Rowling.

Severus flooed to the Headmaster's office.

"Albus! Albus I need your assistance!"

Dumbledore descended the stairs. "Dear child. Whatever is the problem, Severus? Why are you…?"

"No time to explain Albus. Hermione is missing and I fear the worst. She's going to try and kill herself Albus!"

"Calm yourself Severus! Hermione is an intelligent witch. Why would she do such a thing? Explain to me how you came up with this conclusion."

Severus explained as best he could, hoping Albus would see something other than his own nightmare. When the journal entry was mentioned, Albus became alarmed.

"When did you notice she was missing? When did you discover the journal? We need timelines! Do you know where she would go? Have any ideas? Where all have you looked?"

Severus Snape, cold-hearted though he seemed, could not prevent tears forming in his eyes. If Dumbledore came to the same conclusion he had, all hope was gone. She was leaving him.

"Severus! I need you to answer me! We can get help searching for her, but we need to have ideas where to look! Do not give up, do you hear me?"

"Yes. I have only searched our chambers. She was there just after dinner writing at her desk. I noticed the journal when I searched our chambers. I was only gone for about an hour, brewing potions for Poppy. I don't know where she would have gone Albus. She loves the ocean. If she's thinking of her friends, she may be on the grounds, or in Hogsmeade. If she's thinking of her parents, she may have gone to their house. She never could part with it you know. All the possessions are there as well. She could have gone to headquarters, the Burrow, Stonehenge, hell… even France or Bulgaria. She enjoyed her time there. I don't know. I just don't know." Severus, for the first time since he was an adolescent, could no longer control his emotions and actually began to silently sob. She couldn't leave him. Not when he just realized how much he needed her.

Dumbledore directed the broken man into a chair and forced a calming potion into him. While Severus was collecting himself, Albus called Dobby and ordered him to have the elves search the grounds and Hogsmeade as quickly, thoroughly, and quietly as possible. If they found Mrs. Snape, they were to apparate with her, in any condition, directly to Severus. Dobby disappeared and recruited no less than seven elves to perform this task. Next, Dumbledore flooed Minerva and explained the situation. Professor McGonagall agreed to search Hermione's favorite haunts in France, and floo Victor Krum. Krum agreed to search places in Bulgaria, as he had not heard from Hermione in several months.

Albus then contacted Molly Weasley. Upon hearing the situation, Molly performed a spell and confirmed Hermione was not there. She agreed to search headquarters, and would have the twins search out Stonehenge, and Ginny would go through Diagon Alley and Charring Cross Road. Dumbledore promised to contact her with any results, as she did the same.

Severus looked up at Dumbledore, amazed at his proficiency in getting the search going. "Albus, I shall go to her parents home, as I am the only one who knows where it is. If you could…have someone search Knockturn Alley, and perhaps have Poppy waiting…I can't think of any other places. If we don't find her in one of these places, we'll have to search the coastline."

Dumbledore gave a stern look to his friend and employee. "Severus, we will find her. You must believe that. I will have more elves depart for the coastline before I check Knockturn Alley. I still have a few spies there as well. Now, go to her parent's home. Someone will bring her back."

With a nod and a shaky breath, Severus flooed to the Three Broomsticks, where he quickly apparated to a dark house in Oxfordshire.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter world. It all belongs to the genius creator, J.K. Rowling.

As a spy, Severus learned quickly to notice everything surrounding him at first glance. He noted all the open windows, lack of smoke from the chimney, and most foreboding of all, the lack of life emanating from the house.

Quickly dismantling the wards, he entered the house. She had definitely been here. He could see her footprints in the dust on the floor. A search of the dining room and kitchen told him a knife was missing. Nothing else had been touched in this portion of the house. Quietly moving up the stairs, he thought he heard a slight gurgling sound. Severus rushed into the guest bathroom. Nothing was there. Again, he heard the odd sound. It was not pipes, that he was sure of. Frantically, he went from room to room, trying to find the source of this disconcerting noise. Finally in the next to last room was Hermione's old bedroom. He had forgotten she had her own lavatory. He went into the room, wand drawn.

The bath water was pink, almost red. Her body was faintly blue, but he could see she was still breathing, but was definitely struggling for breath. As he was experiencing very painful chest constrictions, he lifted her out of the water. He quickly sealed the open cuts on her wrists and chest. He was no mediwizard, but it would do. Scars did not matter at this point. After conjuring a quilt with a slight warming charm around her body, he apparated them both to Hogsmeade.

Severus found that adrenaline could carry him much further than he anticipated. Once on school grounds, he summoned Dobby. Dobby was instructed to notify Madame Pomfrey of Hermione's impending arrival and status. He was then instructed to notify the headmaster that she had been found.

(A/N: I know it's short guys but I needed a bridge to the next chapters.)


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter world. It all belongs to the genius creator, J.K. Rowling.

Severus sat next to Hermione's bed, holding her hand and just staring at her. The news had not been promising. She had suffered from severe blood loss and hypothermia. It had taken Poppy four hours to stabilize her, but she still was not sure if Hermione would wake up. She had advised Severus to take this time to talk to Hermione. It was rumored that while comatose, patients could hear people talking to them. While not proven, it was not exactly disproved either. She preferred to believe that they could hear and understand what was being said. Privately, she thought, it also helped the person talking so if the comatose patient never awakened, the loved ones at least got to say what they needed to.

Poppy left Severus with Hermione and flooed the headmaster.

"Albus, I need to speak with you, please, regarding Severus and Hermione."

"Of course, Poppy. If you'd just move aside, I'll come on through, so you will not have to be far from your patient."

Albus stepped into Poppy's office and conjured a comfortable chintz chair.

"Well, Poppy? What is the prognosis?"

She informed Albus of what she had already told Severus, then paused. Albus just looked at her expectantly.

"She lost the baby, Albus. I couldn't save her and the child too. It was either her or neither of them." Poppy had tears in her eyes.

Albus drew a deep breath. "Was she aware she was pregnant, Poppy?"

"I don't believe so. She had come to me a few months ago because of irregular cycles, but with her depression, that is normal. So she may not have thought anything of a missed cycle. She was only two months along, possibly two and a half. I certainly did not diagnose her pregnancy until this evening. As far as I am aware, I am her only medical advisor. And we both know how smart and caring she is Albus. I honestly do not believe she would have tried this had she known there was another life involved. But then again, I did not believe she would have done this at all."

Albus sadly shook his head. "I do not believe, my dear Poppy, that any of us have seen the demons running through Hermione's mind. Normally, I would agree that she would not have attempted suicide. However, after speaking with Severus this afternoon, I see that we have all done a great disservice to our dear Mrs. Snape. She has been depressed. Yes. But who has attempted to console her? The poor girl lost her entire family, her best friends, her familiar, was forced into marriage with a man who can not show emotion, fallen in love with him…There is only so much heartbreak one person can take in a lifetime. And even less in the timeframe that Hermione has. You do realize that all this happened in less than three years? The girl just turned 20 this past September. I know I forget at times how young she is."

The two friends and co-workers fell into a companiable silence. Both thinking of how to advise Severus of the additional news.

Finally, Poppy broke the quiet with a whispered "We have to tell him, don't we?"

"I am afraid so. I do not know how he will react. He actually cried today Poppy. I haven't seen Severus cry since he was in nappies. He loves her, but he has always wanted a child. It was 

something he thought he would never have the opportunity for. Can she still have children, should she awaken?"

"Yes, Albus. There was minimal damage to her organs. The hypothermia, actually, helped with that. Magic repaired what needed to be done. Albus, I know that technically, I should tell Severus about the baby. However, given your relationship with him, would you be there when I break the news? I do believe he needs someone to guide him through this. Also, impart some of that omniscient wisdom on the boy, and advise him how to show his emotions to the girl. I think that is the key to bringing her out of her depression. She needs to know someone wants her, cares for her, and enjoys having her around. After all, that is essentially what she has lost."

"Brilliant Poppy! I never thought of that. And of course, I will go with you to tell Severus, as again, you are right. He will need someone there for him. And the more, the better."


	7. Telling Severus

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter world. It all belongs to the genius creator, J.K. Rowling.

Albus called Severus into Poppy's office and instructed him to sit down.

"Severus, I have further news." Poppy began. "While Hermione does have a good chance of survival, I had to make a decision you must know about. When and if Hermione awakens, it will be up to you if you tell her about it."

"What is it, Poppy? Your expression and the way you are talking is beginning to alarm me. Will she never completely heal? Will she wake up only to die on me in a few days? What is going on?" Severus was on the bridge of panicking.

"Severus, calm down. First of all, as I said earlier, there is no reason, medically, that she should not have a complete recovery. Secondly, let me finish. This is hard enough to say." Poppy drew in a deep breath and continued. "Hermione was pregnant Severus. I do not believe she was aware of this fact, as she had been experiencing irregular cycles. I could not help her and the baby. It was either her or neither of them. Also, it will never be known if the miscarriage would not have happened anyway. She was only about two months along, and as you know, the first trimester is the most fragile."

"Are you trying to tell me, Poppy, that you believe I would accuse Hermione of killing our child? Is that what you think? I really thought you knew me better than that. I know how often miscarriages happen, especially in the first trimester. I assure you, the health of my wife is of the utmost importance to me. It is unfortunate about the child. As much as I would love to have a baby with her, I want her happy and healthy first. Can you imagine the child's life with a mother who is depressed all the time? I am certain that this has happened for the best. Thank you for taking care of Hermione. Now, if you will excuse me, I will return to her side." Severus snarled at the mediwitch.

"Severus! You are mistaken if you believe I could think that of you. As a mediwitch, I was giving you information. As a friend, and yes, Severus Snape, I am your friend, I was trying to give you a straight answer. I most likely could have done so in a better way, however, it is not something a person wishes to tell anybody, much less a friend when you know how much it will pain him. I am sorry I couldn't think of an easier way to tell you. And as you are having a rough day, I will forgive you for your treatment of me just now, Snarkmaster!" Poppy angrily addressed the departing Severus.

Severus turned around and saw the tears in Poppy's eyes. He went over and did something he had never done before in his life. He hugged her. "I'm sorry Poppy. Thank you." Then he returned to his wife.

Albus had just sat there watching all this happen. Interesting that he had been there for Severus, but was now consoling Poppy, as she had burst into tears.

"There, there, Poppy. All will be well. You did a magnificent job. I do not believe I could have told him any better. And he did listen to your rebuke instead of storming off. That is something I never believed I would have seen." Albus whispered in her hair while softly rubbing her back.

"Albus…. He hugged me! Did you see that? And he thanked me Albus! Thanked me for not being able to help a baby!" Poppy hiccupped.

"My dear Poppy.. I do believe it was more of a thanks of friendship. He still believes himself to be unwanted and uncared for. He has only ever accepted my and Minerva's friendship, as far as I'm aware. This is why he is so upset over Hermione. Did I tell you what was in the journal? No? Well, sit down, sit down! Let's have a talk about our friend Severus, and see if we can come up with a solution to help him with his view on his self-worth…"


	8. Harry and Ron

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter world. It all belongs to the genius creator, J.K. Rowling.

"Hermione! Over here!"

Hermione opened her eyes in a mist of white.

"This must be what it's like to be surrounded by clouds."

Then she saw them. Vibrant red hair and unruly black hair on two heads racing towards her. All of a sudden, she was engulfed in a three-way bear hug, and she squealed as she burst into tears. Tears of frustration, longing, happiness and sorrow. Emotions were just poring from her small frame. Ron and Harry just held her, and let her get it out.

"I'm sorry you guys! Oh I've missed you so much! There's so much to tell you, and ask you! It'll be better than it ever was because we won't have…." Hermione began babbling as she started planning out ways to spend eternity with her family and friends.

" 'Mione! Shush! We have to talk to you before you start planning." Ron said, as he clapped a hand over her mouth. Then he grinned. "This may take awhile, so let's go have a seat." He and Harry led her over to a group of five cozy looking leather chairs arranged in a circle.

"Why are there five seats? Who else will be joining us?" she asked.

"All in good time, 'Mione," answered Harry. "First, there is much to discuss, and not as much time as you think, so will you please listen without interruptions? I promise all your questions will be answered in our talk, and if not, you can ask when we're done okay?"

"Okay, Harry." Hermione looked skeptical. "Can I at least have a notepad and something to write with to keep track of my questions?" As she finished the question, a pad and pen appeared in her lap. "Niiice.."

"You wanna go first, Ron?" asked Harry. "Or shall I?"

"I'll go. First things first, 'Mione. While I have missed you, I haven't missed you enough to warrant you being here. Harry an' I have been watching you ever since we got here. We want you to know that even though you feel alone, you never truly are. See, as long as you remember us, we will always be with you." Ron started.

"Right," continued Harry. "You are a strong witch, 'Mione. Best one we ever met. And we love you too much to let you be up here with us. We fulfilled our destiny. You still have to finish yours. You have so much to offer the world Hermione. And I promise, it will get better. You have more visitors coming, so we have to leave in a minute or so. They can answer questions too. But, we'll give you one question each before we leave."

"Well, that's not nearly as enlightening as you promised, now is it? That's a rhetorical question, and you better not count it as one put forth to either of you! Okay… well what I really want to know from you Harry, is why you died. Why did you leave me alone?" Hermione asked, again on the verge of tears.

"I figured you'd ask me that one. No, 'Mione. I did not give up. I didn't leave you alone because I wanted to be with Ron more. I am sorry I ever gave you that feeling. Truth is, Voldemort hit me with some obscure dark curse right before he died. It got through my shield simply because I couldn't hold the shield and have the power to obliterate him at the same time. The curse was painful and I think the only reason I actually died is because I was already weakened from the fighting. I did try to fight 

it though 'Mione. My magic was just too depleted." Harry was looking at her with the most sorrowful expression in his emerald eyes.

"Thank you, Harry. That helps, so much more than you could ever know. Now, Ron. I really know everything about you, so let me ask you this. What do you mean you guys don't want me here?" Hermione looked into Ron's crystal blue eyes with anger.

Ron actually laughed. "Told you she'd ask me that one Harry! Seriously, 'Mione. The thing is, you would not be allowed to stay with us if you are to die. They don't allow suicides, 'Mione. And we do love you too much for you to go to what is known as Suicide Ridge. All these forlorn feelings you've been having will never go away. You would constantly throw yourself off the mountain. It is worse than hell, Hermione. We want you to grow old, have little Snapeletts, tell them stories about their Uncles Ron and Harry, write that book you've been wanting to, teach, impart some of that formidable knowledge to other people besides me, Harry, and Neville. You are a wonderful teacher, 'Mione. You will be a great mom. And you are a gem of a person. Snape knows it. He is lost without you. But, that's not for me to tell. Here come your other two visitors. One will make you an offer. Hermione, make the right decision. Use that stubborn head of yours, and make it right. I promise Harry an' me will always be with you."

Harry and Ron got up and pulled her into another three-way bear hug. "Love you." They all said at the same time. In the next instant they were gone, and she was staring at none other than Sirius Black. With him was a small girl with beautiful black curls, and eyes the color of midnight.


	9. Options

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter world. It all belongs to the genius creator, J.K. Rowling.

"'Mione! Light of my afterlife! You sure are a sight for sore eyes!" Sirius grabbed Hermione in a big bear hug and twirled her around, causing her to giggle. "Seriously though.. and no bad puns on that 'Mione, there isn't time, how have you let yourself get to this point without getting help girl? You were raised in the muggle world and know there are healers and others out there going through situations somewhat similar to you. Why did you not seek help?" Sirius and the adorable girl had sat in two of the chairs and awaited her response. Sirius' eyes held warmth and concern, and the girl's eyes matched the curiosity that could be seen in Hermione's own.

"Honestly? I initially felt it was something I could handle on my own. I mean, I am heralded as the smartest witch of my age, I'm a war hero, why shouldn't I be able to fix my own doubts and feelings about my life? And by the time that I realized somewhere deep, deep, deep, down, that I could benefit from talking with someone, I just didn't care anymore. I don't care anymore. I don't want to be a burden to anyone Sirius. And that's all I am. My friends and family are here. But apparently, I'm not allowed to join them here either. There just isn't a place for me." Hermione was starting tear up and hyperventilate as the possible consequences of her actions set in.

"'Mione, hush now, don't cry. Pay careful attention and take heed of what I am telling you. Listen with your heart, not your formidable brain ok? Don't use logic, don't think, just close your mind, and feel. Can you do that for me?" Hermione nodded.

"You, Hermione Jane Snape, nee Granger, are one of the earth's most loved persons. You have shut yourself off from your friends, the Weasleys, Neville, Dumbledore, Poppy, the Patil twins, Remus, Tonks, Kingsley, the Finnegans, the Thomases, Malfoy's, and Boots, just to name a few. You know these people love you and miss you. Ginny and Molly alone think of you every day and hope that you call them. Do you remember telling them you needed time alone to think and you'd contact them when you were ready? They are so worried about you that Ginny has even volunteered to help Molly cook! And you know Ginny refuses to step foot in a kitchen!" Hermione opened her eyes in shock and looked at Sirius silently asking him to confirm what she just heard.

Sirius came over and knelt in front of her. He took her face, full of self doubt and heartbreak into his cold hands and looked directly into her eyes, speaking as if soul to soul. "It's true and you know it Hermione! I know you feel lousy and unwanted and unloved sweetheart, but you aren't paying attention to your heart. You have essentially allowed one person's inability to articulate emotions to be forecast upon everyone, and have made yourself one sick little puppy. Find yourself again Hermione. Read your books. Discuss your findings. You live in an enormous castle filled with intelligent people. Write your book. It will do you wonders in form of therapy and will let the world know about your best friends. It will help you see the friends who silently surround you. You may not have the adventures of youth anymore Hermione, you had to grow up so fast. But there are many, many more accomplishments to be made in the world, each one an adventure in and of itself."

Hermione had tears running from her eyes as she listened to Sirius. Her heart, which she honestly believed could not be broken any further, was shattering once again. "I can't Sirius. I can't hurt anymore. I want to live a long happy life. I want happiness. I want children giggling and making so much trouble that I wonder if it isn't Harry, Ron, or you reincarnated. I want to be able to find myself and be strong again. But I'm not. I don't know how to be that person anymore. Not as things stand right now."

Sirius sighed in relief and pulled Hermione in a tight hug. "You just proved to yourself that yes you can do just that Hermione. Did you hear yourself? You said you wanted to live. Which is good. Because your time is almost up. It's either that, or suicide ridge. And Hermione, if you think it's been bad, suicide ridge is worse than a lifetime of unhappiness. It's an eternity of heartbreak because there is no second chances in that place."

"What about Severus though Sirius? " she asked. "I need to know about Severus. "

"Allow me to introduce your next speaker then Hermione. She'll tell you all about your snarky potions master. This my dear, is Blair. And I can tell you that she has been most anxious to speak with you since we learned of your visit here."

Hermione and Blair just stared at one another, neither able to speak as they took in each other's appearance. As Hermione notice similarities between Blair and Severus, and Blair and herself, her heart leapt with joy, and just as suddenly filled with despair.

"I was pregnant wasn't I?"

"Yes, you were. However, please do not feel despair over losing the child. It was not yet meant to be. I am only a representative of what is possible. My name means "dweller on the plain" and I am not exactly your daughter, but I resemble what your first born most likely would appear at the age of seven. There will be, of course, a few variances, as we can not allow you to see the precise future. "

Hermione nodded and sat down once again as her knees finally would not support her anymore.

Blair continued. "You ask about your husband, but you already know the answer. You seek reassurance that he loves you because you do not wish to hear rejection directly from him. That fear of rejection, Mrs. Snape, is just your inner boggart. Do not allow your insecurities to overtake you anymore. You are to strong of a person, of a witch, to be here, now or anytime in the near future. Now, you have exactly enough time to say good-bye to Sirius before you make your final decision and leave our plain. I know you wanted to see your family Mrs. Snape, but you simply do not have the time to visit with everyone on this plain. Sirius was elected as your family representative because he was a parental figure for a short amount of time and is familiar with your situation. Make your decision Madam Snape. Will you return and live as you have professed to want? Or shall you forego a lifetime of unhappiness for eternal heartbreak?"

Hermione walked over to Sirius and gave him one last hug. She pulled away from him with her decision in mind, requested, "Tell Mum and Dad I'm sorry and I love them," and was once again enveloped in an opaque white fog.


End file.
